Some Whole Wheat Words

And Other Up-Lift

Archive for the ‘fucking around’ Category

For a Cold November

with one comment

Brr! The stocks and leaves are falling and my family is kind of coming apart. I don’t feel much like writing right now. Instead I give you the refuge of the writer’s blocked, music posts with brief comments!

Can – Vitamin C // Ege Bamyasi

Never say a bad thing about Damo Suzuki or I will appear before you and club you with a rainbow. Listen to them drums!

The Dixie Cups – Iko Iko // Soul Jazz Presents: Saturday Night Fish Fry

Behold, the power of ashtray percussion. The song makes me happy. I want a cigarette. COINCIDENCE?

Clouds – Shallow // Tes La Rok/Clouds Split 12″

I’d never heard Joanna Newsom before when I first listened to this and I had no idea who or what was singing. Was it a creepy little boy? Was it a pitiless and cheerful elf? No, I discovered. It was not a boy. It was not an elf. Just Joanna. In my daydream music video, she is portrayed by a large animated spider and she kind of looks up at you when she says “Do you want to ride on my back? Pray that what you lack does not distract,” because she is deciding which herbs and spices would go well with your body.

Anyway I’d date her.

King Midas Sound – One Ting (Dabrye) // Cool Out EP

Okay, the vocals don’t set my soul on fire, but you have to— hey, there goes a subway made out of xylophones!

Battles – UW // EP C/B EP

It’s pixellated, see? And you’re on all of these clouds, way up high, and the sky is a really deep like, navy-black. You can see lots of stars. They twinkle pixelatedly. An iron-red meteor passes BWEEEEEEEOOOOO, then a Sputnik streaks by, BWAAAAAAAOOO, and then SHEEEOOOOW this little spaceship crashlands in the clouds. There’s a puff of cloud. A kid in pajamas gets out of the spaceship and he’s greeted by a walking green sprout thing with a mustache.

“Hello!” says the mustache sprout. “We don’t get many visitors here. What’s your name?”

“I… I don’t remember,” says the kid in pajamas.

“That’s a shame,” says the mustache sprout. “A shame. I see that your spaceship is broken. Would you care to be a good sport and play through several clever puzzles in return for the space junk required to fix it?”

“I… I guess so,” says the kid.

“Splendid!”

Lee “Scratch” Perry & The Upsetters – Double Power // Rhythm Shower

I think I associate this with water because in Zelda for the N64 the Zora level starts with the same organ fall and reverb. That’s why. Thank you for asking. You have a good day, too!

Joey Beltram – Energy Flash // Classics

When I listen to this I can kind of understand the people who thought that rave would change the world. Ignore the cheesy 909 hats and imagine yourself sharing the total darkness of an abandoned warehouse with four thousand other people, out of your mind on a drug nobody’s ever heard of, neon squirming everywhere like seafloor predators, perspiration running down the walls. I think you’d be well convinced. Am I projecting?

Jamie Woon – Wayfaring Stranger (Burial Mix) // Wayfaring Stranger 12″

Boo hoo I am a sad religious cyborg subjugating the third world in the name of the faceless corporation which took my humanity away. At least I get this wicked golden messianic dream sequence/gritty battle scene montage!

Can – Peking O // Tago Mago

If only more music was like being yelled at by Martian hillbillies. Whenever I get sad I just remember the time that Damo Suzuki put his hand on my shoulder and said “Joe, PRRRRRGABABBAGAG FFHNGNGNAAAEEEE ANG ANG ANG FRRRADDLEPADDLE PRRRRREEEOOOOPAPAPDABDABDEDADADFRRR GRNNNNN SMUUUUU WAHBABAZABBADA” and I think “you know, he had a point” and I don’t feel so bad.

Anyway I should be doing homework. You take care now.

Written by wholewheatwords

November 9, 2008 at 11:21 pm

Posted in fucking around

Today’s Wisdom

with 5 comments

Hello, Dear Readers (or, should I say “Deer Readers?” ha! You’ll see in a second! Wait for it! You’re the best!), and welcome back to Joe’s Blog. I am your host, Joseph Yachimec, and it is Sunday. Do you know what that means? I do: it’s time for Today’s Wisdom. I am excited and aroused to begin, but before we start, I want to address a problem that I was posed recently by a concerned reader.

Dear (Deer! There I go again!) Joe, he wrote, I like very much you’re blog especially you’re scenes that feature sad young people. They are good and please keep writing them in you’re own special way. I am doing good and I also don’t like complaining but here it is: I have a complaint. When the nurse reads to me I like to make pictures in my head and one of my favorite types of pictures is imagining what the person looks like that wrote what the nurse is reading. You’re name is Joe but since you never say what you look like too much sometimes I think that you look like the nurse, and a woman named Joe talking about liking girls or a man named Joe with a funny lady’s voice and big veins on his legs would be just plain weird and maybe more. So I have a complaint or a request and here it is: please tell me what you look like so that I can imagine you reading instead of the nurse because I feel bad about thinking about a man with a funny lady’s voice and veins, that’s weird.

Sorry about complaining,
Robert Frumm.

Robert, I stand over seven feet tall and I have a long white beard. I often dress in flowing silk robes, which were made especially for me by my passionate, dusky Spanish seamstress. I have been educated at a University, and I will tell you as many times as I need to. Tucked behind my left ear is an ivory pen, and occasionally will pull out a notebook from my golden sash and write in it with the pen, muttering “brilliant, brilliant.” If people ask me a question, sometimes I ignore them for twenty seconds just to show them what’s what. My eyes are piercing, like coals, but hard and flinty, like chips of mountain-slate, but full of kindness. I smell like knowledge.

No sad young people today, Deer Robert. Only wisdom. I want you to close your eyes and think of me sitting on my plinth, surrounded by flowers, basking in a shaft of lucky sunlight. Ignore this nurse’s voice and focus on the words. To the nurse: this part should be read softly, and low, with a hint of sexiness and regret at things missed on the path to knowledge. Not too much regret, though.

Today’s wisdom comes from Advanced Rut Hunting: Strategies for Taking Whitetails During Prime Time, which I’m sure everyone is familiar with. It had been on my reading list for several years, one of those classics I’d heard a lot about and I’d just sort of nodded knowingly when people brought it up after dinner.

Then I saw it in the window of a bookshop as Espritu and I made our way to the Silk Store, and I had to pick it up. I had assumed it would be one of those books, maybe that when you are told are great, are in actuality awful. Or you are told that they are awful, but they turn out to be great. Wrong! The book was neither: it was great.

I’ve had some difficulty summing it up, so I’ll quote from the ‘blurb.

Whitetail rut behavior and the hunting strategies that take it into account have come a long way in the past thirty years… We can translate and decipher deer vocalizations and language… and much more.

Still, one thing remains the same: The rut is a time for hope and big dreams– that the biggest buck in the woods will be so preoccupied with chasing does that he’ll finally make the mistake that brings him into range. This is the dream. It is a little bit like high school.

Chapters include:

Hitting The Rut Right

S-L-O-W Stalking The Rut

Climb High For Rutting Bucks

Romance: The Rut Stalker’s Best Ally

Sure-Cure for the Post-Rut Blues

A Sham In The Deer Woods

Follow Your Does

Tenderness

And much more. Now, Robert, settle back into your pallet or use your bedpan, whatever, I’ll wait. Wisdom is coming, exploding like unto a double shot of bong water in the stomach of a gullible frat-boy. Whoosh!

Rudimentary fawn-bleating calls have been on the market for a number of years, although it was Harold Knight and David Hale– founders of the famous Knight & Hale Game Call Company– who pioneered the development of a fawn call that was far superior to anything previously available. But their fawn-bleating call came about quite by accident.

“Over the years we had recieved numerous requests from coyote hunters for a call that would bring the predators in close,” Harold Knight explained. “Since young deer play a major role in the diets of coyotes, we collected tape recordings of actual deer bleating sounds from a fawn that was caught in a fence. Then we designed a call to duplicate those bleating sounds.”

“Yet disappointed coyote hunters began complaining to us,” according to David Hale. “They said the call brought in more deer than anything else! That gave birth to our EZ-Deer Bleat Call.”

Curiously enough, the Lohman Manufacturing Company, another producer of quality-made calls, also experienced a unique twist during the development of its Deer Bleat Call.

“In our case,” Brad Harris says, “hunters everywhere are having terrific success calling in deer, but those hunters living west of the Mississippi are enjoying an added bonus in that their use of the Deer Bleat Call is also bringing in antelope!”

Antelope! Did you remember to find the Wisdom? I did, and I’ll be disappointed with you if you didn’t.

Now Espiritu is calling me downstairs for Ice Cream Paella. I must go, Deer Readers, but until we meet again,

Stay Wise!

Written by wholewheatwords

June 24, 2007 at 6:40 pm

Posted in bile, fucking around, lies